Sorry I've been a little incommunicado the past few weeks -- lots of travelling, script editing and figuring out where I want to go next with the book. Not knowing if I'm picking the right path to go down and trying to find that spark of inspiration that tells my brain I'm doing the right thing.
This is just a little comic of a time about a month ago when I was feeling low. It's only recently that I've been able to sit down and actually write down some of these feelings. They are not new feelings but they are getting more acute as I grow older and could see myself as a parent.
This comic by no means covers all the feelings or thoughts or worries I have around having children or how lucky I feel about the way my parents brought me up. But that is for exploration another time.
This year has been a huge learning curve for me when it comes to writing and drawing comics but something I think that is less tangible and possibly more important is having the time to think about my life growing up with my brother and just stewing in the feelings that come with that. Sometimes it's so hard to think about the future and what that means for me and Rob and sometimes it's so hard to think about the past and everything that my parents and I and Rob have been through. It feels lonely and tiring. My head fills with the pain of sadness and makes me want to stop writing.
But just because it's hard does not mean it's not worthwhile. I love Rob and I always will. I love him for all his obsessions and strange habits. And I like to think that if he could, Rob would love me back for all the same reasons.
I know other people are out there just like me and just like Rob and I want them to know, I need them to know it's okay, I'm out there too.